a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
