On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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