Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize