That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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