Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize