Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
