I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
