this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
