I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize