And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
