I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize