Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize