You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
