Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
