it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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