My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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