Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
