And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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