we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
