this beer tastes like vomit already
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
