glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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