i just google imaged poop.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
