I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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