is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
