I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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