i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
even my farts smell like vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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