trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize