Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
