Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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