He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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