I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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