i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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