My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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