He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
