i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
