I want to have your abortion
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
