i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
