I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
