do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize