Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
