i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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