I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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