As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
