She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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