and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
