Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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