You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
