hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
