When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
