please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
