Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
