Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
