That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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