Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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