She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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