Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
