woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
