The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
