i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize