my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
