I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
