I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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