i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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