then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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