If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
