About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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