Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
bring money and cleavage
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
