all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This house was built for laser tag.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
